Paws Of Fury: The Legend Of Hank is a dull attempt at being Blazing Saddles for kids.

A down-on-his-luck hound finds himself in a town full of cats who need a hero to defend them from a ruthless villain’s evil plot to wipe their village off the map. With help from a reluctant trainer, the underdog must assume the role of fearsome samurai and team up with the felines to save the day. The only problem is they all hate dogs.

This is one of these scenarios where the production history of a movie is far more interesting than the movie itself. Because when you get down to it Paws Of Fury: The Legend Of Hank is basically Blazing Saddles for kids and with cats and dogs, to sum up the history of this movie it was originally supposed to release all the way back in April 14th 2017. The major reason why it was delayed so many times was changes in the distributors, Nickelodeon Movies was eventually the one who released it and here we are today. The movie itself as I said before is basically Blazing Saddles, the only thing that makes this movie at least tolerable is the cast Samuel L. Jackson is decent despite some really bad jokes he’s given, Ricky Gervais as the villain is actually not terrible, Michelle Yeoh is also fine enough (although she doesn’t get a whole lot to do) and Mel Brooks is always nice to see as well. Everything else falls under the “typical bad animated movie” category, very outdated jokes (there’s a Gangnam Style joke in here) and animation that really gives the vibe of $5 Walmart bin. There’s also some fourth wall breaking jokes that are just not funny there’s even one where one character talks about the running time, overall Paws Of Fury: The Legend Of Hank is terrible and just does not have a whole lot to it.

Paws Of Fury: The Legend Of Hank is available on all VOD Platforms.

3/10 D-

Emergency Declaration misses it’s mark.

While investigating a terrorist threat that goes online, Korean authorities discover that a suspect has recently boarded a flight bound for the United States. When a healthy passenger on the same plane suddenly dies, panic erupts both in-flight and on the ground. With steadily decreasing fuel and international refusals to offer aid, the captain and crew take unprecedented emergency measures to save the lives of all on board.

Emergency Declaration is definitely one of the more disappointing films so far this year, while it does have some very solid acting all around and there’s some very well captured shots, plus the first half of the movie does a pretty good job of establishing and introducing it’s characters quite well (really reminded me a lot of Train To Busan). The major problem here is the second half of the movie when the plot quicks in, the writing becomes very bare bones which is huge problem since this is actually based on a true story in which an airplane declared high alert and demanded unconditional landing. The script is very surface level and while does have a few strong moments during the last half of the movie, outside of those moments there’s really nothing there to standout from a lot of other disaster movies. The running time doesn’t do the movie any favors either being 2 hours and 18 minutes combined with dreadfully slow pacing really makes the movie a chore to watch. Overall Emergency Declaration is well made and has it’s moments but it’s very disappointing.

Emergency Declaration releases in theaters August 12th

5/10 C

Quick Review: Dawn (2022)

An unsuspecting couple gets into a ride share only to find out that they may have to fight for their lives as the deranged driver puts them through life and death situations…

Dawn offers very little despite an interesting premise, I like the idea of an Uber/taxi driver holding the main characters hostage this was done very well in Spree (although very different with it’s topic) and Ride (which isn’t anything spectacular but it’s at least fun and uses it’s premise decently well). Outside of a few moments here and there Dawn is a very dull movie with very little going on to bring the viewer into the movie, the acting and writing are simply bad and really don’t lead to very much. Plus it ends exactly how you think it’s going to.

Dawn is available on all VOD Platforms.

2/10 F

Bullet Train is a trainwreck.

Ladybug is an unlucky assassin who’s determined to do his job peacefully after one too many gigs has gone off the rails. Fate, however, may have other plans as his latest mission puts him on a collision course with lethal adversaries from around the globe all with connected yet conflicting objectives on the world’s fastest train.

Bullet Train is what happens when you take John Wick and add painfully unfunny jokes into it, the only good thing about Bullet Train being finally released is that I don’t have to endure seeing the obnoxious trailer every single time I go see a movie. Okay I’m joking (kind of) Aaron Taylor Johnson and Bryan Tyree Henry are the only ones I can say that at least got a few laughs out of me, and I genuinely liked their characters as well. Everyone else though? Wasted potential…a huge amount of it, I like the idea the movie is going for a bunch of different characters interacting with each other in mostly one location. Bad Times At The El Royale in particular did this very well. Bullet Train however does not do most of these characters any favors, a lot of them are very one note and have very little development outside of their personality. Brad Pitt plays a very typical comedic hero that doesn’t take things seriously except when the plot goes down, It’s almost insulting how the movie completely wasted Zazie Beetz and Karen Fukuhara both of which are very talented actresses (good god Beetz’s performance is not good) but are restricted to complete joke characters. Michael Shannon’s character “The White Death” feels like he’s in the wrong movie and is just an overall one not villain, the jokes as I said before are painfully unfunny. There’s a cameo that is one of the most desperate attempts for a laugh I’ve seen in a movie so far this year, I will say the music is fine enough I really like Sukiyaki and Holding Out For A Hero and the moments the songs were used are in fact some of the better ones. But other than that there just isn’t anything here that is very strong, it’s a dull action movie with a few positives that aren’t enough to save it from being a trainwreck.

Bullet Train is available in theaters.

3/10 D-

Mr. Malcolm’s List is a decent period drama

In 19th-century England, a wealthy, young lady named Julia engages in courtship with Mr. Malcolm, a mysterious, wealthy suitor, unaware that he has a list of qualities required of a future wife.

Mr. Malcolm’s List is about what you expect from a lot of period drama movies, there are at least a few things that make this one at least worthwhile though. Such as the costumes being actually pretty well done, the performances all around are decent enough and there’s some strong writing moments that definitely give the movie something to work with. The diverse cast actually really does a good job of working together to create some fascinating moments that are at least a few steps up from other period drama movies, what is lacking however is mostly the script which as I said before does have it’s strong moments but for the most part it feels more less the same thing as a lot of other period drama movies. If you are a fan of period dramas you will probably like this one.

Mr. Malcolm’s List available on all VOD Platforms.

6/10 C+

Allegoria an anthology movie misfire.

A timid actress, a tortured painter, a pretentious writer, a psychotic sculptor and a rock band all become entangled when their insecurities manifest themselves into monsters and ghouls.

Spider One who is the younger brother of Rob Zombie enters with his first full length feature film Allegoria. The movie isn’t one of those anthology movies where there’s a ton of directors involved Spider One does all of them…and they are all pretty unremarkable. While the use of practical effects are nice the stories themselves have very little or no plot at all, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing since having no plot can work. But with these shorts they are pretty much the equivalent of an obscure YouTube video on the “wrong side of YouTube” but with a bigger budget, a lot of the ideas didn’t have enough time to fully flesh out and the horror elements were just not done very well here, the pacing in the stories are very uneven. Some will go by way too quickly and others will go by slowly. This honestly just feels nothing more than a bunch of shorts that were found on the internet and someone put them together in a movie.

Allegoria is available on Shudder

2/10 F

LEGO Star Wars Summer Vacation is not a trip worth going on.

Looking for a much-needed break, Finn arranges a surprise vacation for his friends Rey, Poe, Rose, Chewie, BB-8, R2-D2, and C-3PO, aboard the luxurious Halcyon. However, Finn’s plan to have one last hurrah together quickly goes awry.

LEGO Star Wars Summer Vacation is the third of these Lego Star Wars specials and is probably the weakest, I say probably because quite honestly there is a very little difference between this one and the last one “Terrifying Tales”. Although if I had to say which is the weakest I would go with Summer Vacation. Mainly due to the movie being more less the same thing, it reuses a lot of the same Star Wars memes that were in the last two specials and there isn’t anything really memorable here. Outside of Obi-Wan in a Hawaiian shirt and Weird Al Yankovic making an appearance. As I said about Terrifying Tales this is harmless enough for kids and is an okay distraction for 45 minutes, but that’s all it really amounts to. It’s not particularly funny either mainly due to reusing a lot of the same Star Wars memes you have probably seen on the internet 40 times.

Lego Star Wars Summer Vacation is available on Disney+

4/10 D+

The Andy Baker Tape half a good found footage movie.

The last known footage of food blogger Jeff Blake and his half-brother Andy Baker.

I’ve said this multiple times already but my issue with a lot of the modern found footage horror genre is they take an eternity to get to the main point of the movie. That’s sadly the case here with The Andy Baker Tape, the main leads Bret Lada and Dustin Fontaine are at least engaging and actually do a far better job than you would expect. They both clearly seem like they are having the time of their lives with this movie so at least the passion is there, the plot itself just takes way too long to get going and the horror elements actually end up weakening the movie quite a bit. All that happens is Andy ends up being creepy midway through the movie and from there it’s quite predictable, I like the whole premise of “certain character becomes odd” but it’s down in such a bare bones way that’s been done to death numerous times already. Overall The Andy Baker Tape is definitely not bad and gets points for a strong start, likable leads and decent filming but ultimately doesn’t have anything new to add to a very crowded subgenre.

The Andy Baker Tape is available on the Terror Channel and will be released on all VOD Platforms August 12th.

5/10 C

Quick Review: Bliss (2022)

In a world where their femininity is considered a commodity, two sex workers fall in love with each other.

I’m actually genuinely confused on this one, mainly due to the narrative being a complete and total mess. I guess the acting was pretty okay and there were some decent moments here when the characters would connect to one another, but most of it is very dull with a lot of scenes that really don’t give enough for the viewer to work with.

Bliss is available in theaters and will be released on all VOD Platforms August 16th.

4/10 D+

We Met In Virtual Reality is a surprisingly touching documentary about the VR Chat community.

Filmed entirely inside the world of VR, a look at the excitement and surprising intimacy of a burgeoning cultural movement, demonstrating the power of online connection in an isolated world.

I know very little about the VR Chat program itself, I know that it exists and has a decent amount of people within the community but that’s really it. However We Met in Virtual Reality really teaches you quite a lot about the community itself, it’s actually surprising how much this documentary covers, the footage is entirely the VR program which is pretty impressive and has it’s own charm to it. Jenny who is one of the people interviewed in the documentary teaches ASL to a class full of students some of which are deaf and others who simply want to learn it. You have someone named DustBunny who teaches belly dancing as well, the film also follows the relationships of DustBunny and Toaster and ItsYourBoi and DragonHeart. The documentary was done during the COVID-19 pandemic so with a lot of bad in the world during the time it’s a very beautiful thing to see community where they can express who they are, interact with friends and even find love. And by watching the documentary start to completely understand how and why the VR Chat helped certain people in the community during the pandemic. There’s a lot of heart out into this documentary and really shows how a community bonds incredibly well through very tough times! Finally there’s a few genuinely touching scenes that are absolutely beautiful here make sure to go watch this one.

We Met In Virtual Reality is available on HBO Max!

9/10 A