Unfrosted (2024) Film Review

In 1963, Kellogg’s and Post, sworn cereal rivals, race to create a pastry that will change the face of breakfast forever.

Unfrosted is directed by Jerry Seinfeld which is his directorial debut.

Films about brands have become sort of a trend over the last year or so. Last year alone we got Air, Tetris, BlackBerry, The Beanie Bubble and Flamin’ Hot. Of the bunch BlackBerry, Air and Tetris were quite excellent, they told the stories of these brands or products while also focused on being genuinely great films. Flamin’ Hot and The Beanie Bubble fell into the dull category the two weren’t anything atrocious but they were quite forgettable movies that get completely overshadowed when it comes to this conversation.

Unfrosted somehow ends up being worse than Flamin’ Hot and The Beanie Bubble, look I get what Jerry Seinfeld was trying to go for here (at least during the first half of the movie) he wanted to make some sort of parody about products of the 1960s and used Poptarts as the device to try and execute it. While that’s great and all there’s a ton of problems with this movie that it never recovers from.

First and foremost the performances are atrocious, Jerry Seinfeld is about what you expect his performance is the least of this movie’s worries. Amy Schumer gives an atrocious and unfunny performance that really comes off as try hard, Melissa McCarthy is sadly not much better who is stuck with some of the worst written lines in movie so far this year. There is absolutely no chemistry between Seinfeld, McCarthy, Jim Gaffigan or anyone else in the movie. It really just seems like they randomly selected some actors to put in certain scenes and didn’t bother to figure out chemistry, dialogue or interest.

Honestly the best of the cast has to be Bill Burr as JFK (I’m not joking) and Hugh Grant who plays Tony The Tiger (again I’m not joking), minor spoilers ahead but there’s one scene in this movie that I truly hate myself for laughing at. I say this because it’s incredibly dumb and practically comes right out of nowhere (sure there’s some development but nowhere near enough to say that the movie was building up to it) the scene in question is a January 6th 2021 parody of Kelloggs characters such as Snap, Crackle, Pop, the Cornflakes bird, Tucan Sam and a few others who are led by Tony The Tiger to raid Kelloggs due to being afraid of being replaced by Pop-Tarts. The scene is a recreation of January 6th from the person who fell to the horned hat costume it’s all there and it’s truly baffling to watch. Also fun fact this is the first movie to show a satire of January 6th not that it matters just worth pointing out.

The rest of the movie is a complete and total mess of unfunny jokes, piss poor comedic timing and is pretty much like an unfunny SNL skit. As I briefly said earlier while I could understand what Seinfeld was going for during the first bit of the movie, it quickly becomes a gigantic random humor fest of ideas that are just scattered around. It’s at the point of “what the hell is going on here? What am I watching?” territory and not the good kind…think of Movie 43 (2013) that’s how nonsensical it gets and it stays that way for the rest of the movie.

I’m not entirely sure what the viewer was supposed to take away from this movie, it certainly wasn’t the history of Pop-Tarts because even that is told incredibly poorly, the attempt of trying to tell it in a absurdist way is fine enough but the movie forgets to be funny, clever or at least make some sense.

Overall Unfrosted is an endurance test of some of the worst acting, unfunny gags and terrible writing from a movie so far this year. I would only recommend this movie if you truly want to see how idiotic and horrible this movie really gets.

Unfrosted is available on Netflix.

Disgrace To Cinema F

Founders Day (2024) Film Review

A series of ominous murders rocks a small town just days before a heated mayoral election. As accusations fly and the threat of a masked killer darkens every corner, residents must race against time to uncover the truth.

Founders Day is directed by Erik Bloomquist director of She Came From The Woods (2022), Ten Minutes to Midnight (2020), Intermedium (2023) and a few others.

Founders Day is one of those movies where I respect the effort put into it more than the quality of the movie, they did what they could with a low budget and at times there’s even glimpses of a decent slasher movie here. But more often than not it’s a mess.

Nobody in the cast gives a really good performance, at best there are moments where the cast have some fun which is mainly when Bloomquist asks for different notes in certain scenes. The kills are at least fun, I don’t think they are as gnarly as some people made them out to be. But they get the job done and are easily the strongest part about this movie.

What kills Founders Day is the script, the reveal for the killer is completely idiotic, the lack of motivation is felt throughout the movie and essentially becomes a killer running around killing teens with some local politics thrown into the mix. It doesn’t end up meshing very well at all and really needed a whole lot more time in the oven.

Founders Day is available on all VOD platforms.

2/10 F

Arthur The King (2024) Film Review

Desperate for one last chance to win, Michael Light convinces a sponsor to back him and a team of athletes for the Adventure Racing World Championship in the Dominican Republic. As the team gets pushed to the outer limits of endurance, a dog named Arthur comes along for the ride, redefining what victory, loyalty and friendship truly means.

Arthur The King is directed by Simon Cellan Jones director of Some Voices (2000), The One and Only (2002) and The Family Plan (2023)

I really don’t have a whole lot to say here about Arthur The King it’s another one of those feel good dog movies that are based on a true story. Although Arthur himself takes awhile to enter the movie. There’s some perfectly serviceable performances, the bond between Michael Light (played by Mark Wahlberg) and Arthur is charming enough and gets the point across quickly. Simu Liu isn’t terrible here (just not really much going on with his performance) and Juliet Rylance is decent enough.

As I said Arthur doesn’t show up until about halfway through the movie, which means we are mostly stuck with Mark Wahlberg being incredibly uninteresting. However once Arthur does enter the picture the movie does get better and the final act although somewhat predictable (even if you did not know the true story you could very easily predict what happens) is still very touching.

There was a genuine amount of heart put into this when it comes to capturing the spirit of the true story, the direction is fine enough and gets the job done. Honestly the movie’s worst offense is being forgettable, it’s a very middle of the road dog movie that is admittedly charming but not something I would ever go back to.

Arthur The King is available on all VOD Platforms.

5/10 C

Mother Of The Bride (2024) Film Review

Stunned by her daughter’s bombshell wedding announcement, Lana soon faces another shock: the groom’s father is the man who broke her heart years ago.

Mother Of The Bride is directed by Mark Waters the director of Mean Girls (2004), Freaky Friday (2003), The Spiderwick Chronicles (2007), Mr. Popper’s Penguins (2011), Vampire Academy (2014), Bad Santa 2 (2016), Magic Camp (2020), He’s All That (2021) and a few others.

Well here we go again for the fiftieth time so far this year…another horrendous Netflix original that doesn’t even try. Think of the most cliched romantic comedy movie you can and now add a huge lack of charm, humor, interest and fun. You get Mother Of The Bride a complete and total mess of a movie that I’m not even quite sure if the movie itself knows what it’s trying to do.

The only kind of decent part here is seeing Miranda Cosgrove in another role, it’s too bad she’s stuck with such a terrible script that does very little for the viewer to actually care about the characters or the story being told here. The script attempts to try and bring in this examination on social media culture, which might have worked if this was any other movie. There’s also a few characters here who are nothing more but to serve as narrative devices mainly Scott (played by Wilson Cruz) and Clay (played by Michael McDonald) a gay couple. Almost every single line that comes from the two is exposition, it starts to become slightly comical at one point (not in a good way).

Acting wise the performances are fine enough, but there’s nothing here that really grabs you at all. Which again is due to the script and how much load of bunk there is in it. None of the characters are given any meaningful arcs or interesting personalities, the story itself is about as predictable as a lot of these other Netflix romantic comedies and the direction from Waters much like his last several movies lack so much passion that he once had.

Mother Of The Bride is available on Netflix.

1/10 F

Prom Dates (2024) Film Review

Jess and Hannah, at 13 years old, made a pact to have the perfect prom. However, 24 hours before the big event, everything is ruined when they break-up with their dates. Now they have one night to find new dates and make the fantasy comes true.

Prom Dates is directed by Kim O. Nguyen which is her directorial debut.

Prom Dates is basically if you took Booksmart (2019) and watered it down quite a bit, although there’s some genuine attempts to differentiate itself the movie can’t seem to avoid the shadow of Booksmart (2019).

With that said not everything is terrible here, the performances from Julia Lester and Antonia Gentry are solid enough to deliver some funny lines. The two work well together and do have some comedic timing that is worth praise, the friendship of the two is genuinely touching at times even if some of the development is lacking you can still buy their friendship.

Unfortunately the heavy reliance on cliched situations really stops this movie in it’s tracks, a lot of the resolutions to the conflicts is very by the numbers and quite predictable. Which is unfortunate because the movie does talk about complexities of real world friendships and those moments in particular are very intriguing, how the movie goes about solving the resolutions is incredibly frustrating and takes a lot away from the story that was being told.

Prom Dates is available on Hulu.

4/10 D+

Challengers (2024) Film Review

Tashi, a tennis player turned coach, has transformed her husband from a mediocre player into a world-famous grand slam champion. To jolt him out of his recent losing streak, she makes him play a challenger event — close to the lowest level of tournament on the pro tour. Tensions soon run high when he finds himself standing across the net from the once-promising, now burnt-out Patrick, his former best friend and Tashi’s former boyfriend.

Challengers is directed by Luca Guadagnino director of A Bigger Splash (2015), Call Me By Your Name (2017), Suspiria (2018), Bones and All (2022) and a few others.

One thing that I truly love in film is when you see a film you knew was going to be really good and it ends up surpassing your expectations by a lot. That’s the case with Challengers. Luca Guadagnino takes the sport of tennis and what seems like a straightforward premise and flips it on it’s head. Thrilling, captivating and erotic are just some of the words to describe the film.

Starting with performances since Challengers is a very performance heavy as well as a character heavy film. Zendaya gives a career best performance, her performance as Tashi Duncan is truly exciting to watch and truly captures the film’s atmosphere. Just by looking into the eyes of Tashi the viewer is able to get a good idea of her, Zendaya truly masters the subtle and careful character moments with body language and some speech patterns that are truly investing. Her performance is one of the best so far this year and quite honestly one of the most fun performances of the year as well.

Similarly Josh O’Connor and Mike Faist are both brilliant as well, it’s some of the best pairing I’ve seen in a film so far this year. Each and every time the two share a screen together they have this natural connection that makes the scene in question all the more interesting. The dialogue the two share to each other is raw and really brings the viewer into the film’s world. What’s great is we get a ton of information about the two Art Donaldson (played by Mike Faist) and Patrick Zweig (played by Josh O’Connor) have a lot of their information told through some flashbacks which the film does a excellent job of jumping back and forth. It also helps build the film’s world as well.

Together all three have this chemistry that is just oozing with style and powerful development that is shown throughout the film, the more we learn about each of the three the more you get put into the film. It’s truly remarkable how natural and easily the script by Justin Kuritzkes brings in the viewer to a wild ride.

One thing that is often brought up in a ton of reviews is the score, which let me tell you right now it’s for a good reason. I was not expecting the score from Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross to take this electronic direction that it did. Tennis is the last sport you would think of to associate with electronic music and yet it fits perfectly, especially combined with the cinematography and many camera angles during the tennis matches it creates some quite electrifying and stylized moments that really make the film standout.

I do not want to say much else because Challengers is definitely a film you have to experience for yourself, it’s a truly brilliant film that I can’t recommend enough!

Challengers is available in theaters.

10/10 A+

Civil War (2024) Film Review

In a dystopian future America, a team of military-embedded journalists races against time to reach Washington, D.C., before rebel factions descend upon the White House.

Civil War is directed by Alex Garland who previously directed Ex Machina (2015), Annihilation (2018) and Men (2022).

Part of the reason my review is so late is because I honestly had no idea what to exactly think of Civil War. There is an incredible amount that I really love about the film, even if the politics can get muddy I do get the point the film was making and in some instances it kind of works.

I’ll start with the performances because they are ultimately what really makes the film, starting with Kristen Dunst she gives a phenomenal performance. She plays a war photographer named Lee Smith who mainly focuses on the job and nothing else at all, there are tons of character moments from her. The ones that stood out were her slowly realizing that doing absolutely nothing while chaos is going on other than getting that one excellent shot is not worth it at all. Dunst gives such a raw performance and her interactions with the rest of the cast is truly investing.

Cailee Spaeny is also quite excellent here, she plays Jessie Cullen an aspiring young photographer who kind of just joins in on Lee and Joel’s (played by Wagner Moura) journey. Her depiction of someone being someone who hasn’t been in this much chaos before is absolutely top notch and at times quite scary, the scenes with her Dunst or her and Moura just having conversations are among some of the film’s best moment.

Wagner Moura and Stephen McKinley are both excellent here, they work incredibly well with Spaeny and Dunst the chemistry between the four is top notch. Moura acting as this second in command figure with Dunst who tries to keep the group together is investing to watch. While McKinley’s character doesn’t get a lot of development, McKinley’s performance itself is more than enough to make up for it as it is pretty charming in some areas.

The atmosphere of the film is truly masterful, throughout the whole film and the journey we are sent on with Lee, Joel, Jessie and Sammy the suspenseful atmosphere is felt. Anything could happen at any given moment it’s investing the whole through but there’s one particular moment that really shines. I purposely left out Jesse Plemons’s performance until right now because while he does only get one scene, the scene is a masterclass of suspense. Combine that with his acting, the lines of dialogue that are used and the camera focusing on each of the character’s reactions and you have yourself a wild ride of a scene.

The film’s world itself is quite investing as well, I do like that the film shows the relics of the Civil War taking place. Buildings left abandoned, some completely intact and others completely ruined. Heck sometimes during the journey we encounter towns that flat out pretend the war does not exist. This might be a bit biased since I’ve always had a fascination with abandoned buildings and areas, but I do think the film does a really great job of showing the horrifying feel of these certain areas.

Overall Civil War is a quite fantastic film, it’s filled with suspense, excellent performances and investing dialogue that really grabs the viewer’s attention incredibly quickly!

Civil War is available in Theaters.

9/10 A

Most Anticipated Films Of May 2024!

April is over and now we are headed into the summer movie season. April was quite a fantastic month for film, between Challengers, Abigail, The First Omen, Hundreds Of Beavers, Sasquatch Sunset and Civil War there was so much to really love. I still have two more reviews from April (Challengers and Civil War) to post which will be posted either today or tomorrow so keep an eye out.

May looks like another really solid month, while I don’t think it’s as filled to the brim with releases as April. It makes up for it with having some of the most anticipated films of the year such as Furiosa, I Saw The TV Glow and Kingdom Of The Planet Of The Apes.

Before we get into the list we have a film that I saw at Sundance last year that’s finally coming out which is…

Slow directed by Marija Kavtaradzé: it’s a beautiful showcase of intimacy and why it’s important, the performances are excellent, the film discusses and explores asexuality in a very honest and beautiful way. I said in my review that it’s the most raw and tender approach to the topic I’ve ever seen in a film and that remains true a year and four months later. So be sure to check it out when it releases in theaters May 3rd!

Now on to the list

11. Jim Henson Idea Man – May 31st (Disney+)

10. The Idea Of You – May 2nd (Amazon Prime Video)

9. Ezra – May 31st (Theaters)

8. Wildcat – May 2nd (Theaters)

7. Babes – May 17th (Theaters)

6. Robot Dreams – May 31st (Theaters)

5. The Strangers: Chapter 1 – May 17th (Theaters)

4. Kingdom Of The Planet Of The Apes – May 10th (Theaters)

3. In A Violent Nature – May 31st (Theaters)

2. I Saw The TV Glow – May 3rd (Limited Theaters) and May 17th (Expand Theaters)

1. Furiosa – May 24th (Theaters)

And that’s the list! Let’s have another excellent month for film!! Cheers!!

Sasquatch Sunset (2024) Film Review

In the misty forests of North America, a family of Sasquatches find themselves on a collision course with the ever-changing world around them.

Sasquatch Sunset is directed by David Zellner and Nathan Zellner who have previously directed Kid-Thing (2012) (David Zellner), Kumiko, The Treasure Hunter (2014) (David Zellner) and Damsel (2018) (David and Nathan Zellner).

Sasquatch Sunset is a film that should not work at all, a film that has no dialogue only grunting from the Sasquatches, bodily fluid jokes such as pissing, pooping and ejaculating….however the movie strangely works. Underneath all of this there is something strangely heartfelt about the film and while yes the raunchy humor is there, there is this interesting focus on the location and the Sasquatches themselves.

For starters the makeup and costumes are absolutely well done, they feel incredibly real and display a ton of emotions as well. Even through all the grunting and noises being made you can tell when one of the Sasquatches feels mad, sad, happy ect. Riley Keough I definitely think is the standout here mainly due to her having the most to work with for her character. Plus she’s quite unrecognizable and almost instantly captures the spirit of her character who’s simply known as “the female”. Jesse Eisenberg, Christophe Zajac-Denek and Nathan Zellner are all quite solid here as well, each bring their own different take on the Sasquatches they play. It’s fun seeing them interact and actually leads to some genuinely funny scenes that aren’t bodily fluid humor (the two mountain lion scenes are hilarious especially the lion’s reactions.)

The cinematography is quite beautiful, you get tons of nature shots that go for this nature documentary type style that work incredibly well, combine that with a surprisingly excellent score and you have some really well put together scenes that are actually quite emotional. The Foragers by The Octopus Project is definitely the highlight in the score, it was used in the trailer and it works incredibly well here. The scenes it’s used really help move the adventure along quite well and actually make you feel for the Sasquatches.

Speaking of which the film does actually get the viewer to feel for these creatures, while it does take a bit for that to exactly happen. The longer you stay on the journey with these creatures the more you actually start to care for them, it’s actually quite impressive to see this all unfold and actually leaves a decently effective impact.

Sasquatch Sunset is a stupid movie there’s absolutely no denying that, however I think it’s the type of stupid that can actually make sense and be quite effective if you like this sort of thing. The film is not going to be for everyone, but this is the type of film where I’m glad it exists simply because of how bizarre it really is. If this sounds like your sort of film i definitely think you will have a fun time watching it.

Sasquatch Sunset is available in theaters.

8/10 B+

Breathe (2024) Film Review

Maya and her young daughter, Zora, are forced to live underground when Earth is left uninhabitable due to a lack of oxygen. When a mysterious couple arrive and claim to know the fate of Maya’s husband, she tentatively agrees to let them into the bunker. However, mother and daughter soon find themselves in a fight for survival when the truth about the strangers comes to light.

Breathe is directed by Stefon Bristol director of See You Yesterday (2019).

My only question after watching Breathe is how in god’s name were they able to get this much talent in this movie? Jennifer Hudson? Common? Quvenzhané Wallis? What exactly is going on here? The script reads like someone had no brainstorming going on and just decided to write it without any sort of outlining or any plan at all.

Milla Jovovich and Sam Worthington are also here which doesn’t help the movie all that much, the characters in general are just horribly written with very little personality outside of cliche character traits. The acting is abysmal, it’s very baffling to see some of these very talented people give performances that could be strongly considered as some of the worst performances so far this year. Jennifer Hudson is given so little to work with from the script despite being the lead, in fact that can be said for everyone involved. The script is so predictable, so terribly written and a huge waste that none of the people involved can pull off a somewhat decent performance.

The movie also spends a pretty decent amount of time with simply trying to open a door, it might have been one thing if the dialogue was at least interesting or there was some sort of mind game going on or maybe an investing back and forth. But unfortunately that’s not what you get here, instead you get some incredibly bad dialogue that makes you want to turn this movie off.

What else can I really say? Breathe is one of the worst movies so far this year, it fails on every single level. How they got so many recognizable names to sign on to this movie is going to remain life’s biggest questions.

Breathe is available on all VOD Platforms.

Disgrace To Cinema F