Cinderella (2021) fails at being a good adaption and fails at being a decent movie.

A modern movie musical with a bold take on the classic fairy tale. Our ambitious heroine has big dreams and with the help of her fab Godmother, she perseveres to make them come true.

Cinderella (2021) did manage to do one thing…unite all sides or Twitter to absolutely destroy it, that aside this new adaption of Cinderella truly feels like a complete waste of time. Billy Porter (who is barely in the movie) and Idina Menzel (at times) are the only two positives I can give this movie, the rest of it is a huge mess. First off Camila Cabello’s performance is one of the most nothing special about it performances I’ve seen so far this year, I just didn’t buy Camila as Cinderella had this been some other performance than maybe. Almost all of the songs were covers….bad covers, trying to combine songs like Rhythm Nation into a Cinderella story just feels way too out of place and completely takes you out of the movie. Don’t even get me started on the jokes, if I have to hear James Corden talking about how proud he is of his “front tail” ever again I swear I’m going to quit reviewing films. The jokes in this movie are some of the most unfunny and painful I’ve listened to in recent memory, which only shocks me because Kay Cannon who directed Blockers is the director. While I’m not one of those people who found Blockers hysterical i at least found it to be one of the better modern comedies. Then there’s the whole look of the movie, it feels very cheaply made (the CGI on the mice look like they are from a very early PS2 game). I appreciate at times the movie was trying to do something a little bit different but the problem is the movie fails at that as well, this version of Cinderella also tries to shoehorn this whole “girlboss” narrative into it but that falls flat as well. There’s no build up, no character development or any really growth. Overall Cinderella (2021) completely misses it fails as an adaption of Cinderella (can we please stop with Cinderella adaptions?) and it fails at being an actual decent movie. You are better off watching any other Cinderella story that came before this one.

Cinderella is now available on Amazon Prime Video!

1/10 F

The House Next Door: Meet The Blacks 2 (2021) Movie Review!

When best selling author Carl Black moves his family back to his childhood home, he must team up with oddball neighbors to do battle with a pimp, who may or may not be an actual vampire.

I’ve been very soft with giving movies my “disgrace to cinema” rating this year, mostly because I look back at some movies and feel like they were undeserving of the rating (although they are still terrible) however when something like Meet The Blacks 2 comes along I feel much better giving the rating to certain movies. Good lord what were they even trying to do with this movie? At least the first Meet The Blacks knew it was trying to be a parody of The Purge a terrible one let me remind you. This movie however feels like a random post made by a bot on Twitter, it’s nonsensical to the point where you question everything that is going on and not in a good way. The acting, writing, editing, directing are all terrible it’s not even worth going on and on about them. I would be repeating the exact same thing over and over again, I seriously couldn’t tell you what exactly happens in this movie events just keep happening until the movie ends and that’s it. Meet The Blacks 2 feels like something that was made back in the parody movie era but was never released until last month, the humor is just not funny the movie itself is so desperate for a laugh from the audience it becomes embarrassing. It’s also very poorly made as well, it feels like a college student’s failed film project that was trying way too hard to be funny. Hands down one of the worst movies of the year, avoid this at all costs….Deon Taylor needs to be stopped.

The House Next Door: Meet The Blacks 2 is now available on VOD Platforms!

Disgrace To Cinema F

Antebellum (2020)

Successful author Veronica Henley finds herself trapped in a horrifying reality and must uncover the mind-bending mystery before it’s too late.

From the trailers Antebellum looked very promising, I really liked where they were going with it and thought it would be interesting. Then the reviews came out some even calling it “the worst film of the year” still I went in with an open mind hoping I would like it….I didn’t. There are a ton of problems with Antebellum, I’ll start with the acting and writing because that’s the least of this movie’s worries. The acting and writing are both terrible, I feel incredibly bad for Janelle Monae it really seemed like she was trying with a very poor script but even her performance wasn’t good at all. Sure it was the best out of everyone but that doesn’t make it good, the writing is horrendous a lot of it is a bunch of it is uninspired garbage that leads to some very over the top performances that are just really bad because they feel out of place. There’s the ridiculous twist that I won’t go into much, but again it’s one of those twists that is so ridiculous and feels so forced. The main thing I want to talk about is how Antebellum is uses black trauma as shock value and nothing more then that. Those of you who have followed me for a long time know I hate movies that call themselves disturbing when they do the bare minimum and include blood, a rape scene and so on just for shock value and nothing more to it. No story, no background information, no build up absolutely nothing. Well Antebellum takes some brutal scenes and really exploits black trauma and claims to be disturbing, the problem is those scenes in particular have almost no development and are clearly there for shock value and nothing more. The movie tries to throw in some symbolism but that’s the writers trying to justify their terrible movie and saying “hey look we put symbolism in our movie that means it’s good!” It’s really a shame about this movie, it had some good ideas but the execution was terrible, I know there’s some people who really liked this movie and more power to you if you liked it. But for me I found Antebellum to be nothing more then a movie desperately trying to be disturbing but failing on every single level.

Disgrace To Cinema F

Garbage Movie Catch Up – Arctic Dogs and Adam (2019)

Arctic Dogs (2019)

An Arctic fox works in the mailroom of a package delivery service, but wants to be doing the deliveries. I really don’t think this movie warrants a full review so I’m just going to keep this simple…it’s horrible, it’s made by the same studio who did Norm Of The North. I will give the movie this….the voice acting isn’t bad mostly due to Jeremy Renner, otherwise this movie is pretty much the exact same thing as Norm Of The North only that it tries to go for a Zootopia route. The animation is cheap, ugly and something you would see in the $5 bin at Walmart. Do not quote me on this but strangely enough this movie was a Netflix release for other countries but for whatever reason it was theater released here in America. It doesn’t matter though because it didn’t last long and I can see why. If you have seen any typical terrible animated movie you have seen this movie. It‘s the kind of bad that is really not worth complaining over.
1/10 F

Adam (2019)

Awkward teen Adam spends his last high school summer with his big sister, who throws herself into NYC’s lesbian and trans activist scene. In this coming-of-age comedy, Adam and those around him encounter love, friendship and hard truths. Awful with every sense of the word, how does someone make a movie that is so terrible and completely problematic? Even if the movie took away the offensive plot it would still fall flat, the acting and writing are completely worthless. This is the type of writing where it’s nothing but 20 something year olds and teenager stereotypes, the writing is basically what adults think teens and 20 something year olds talk like. The movie is very poorly paced, very poorly done (the filming is so uninspired) and just how this movie knows what it’s doing is problematic but doesn’t give a crap shows how the lack of care. The fact this made it into Sundance just scares me, I seriously don’t know what else to say…it’s a horrible horrible movie that makes no points or has anything to discuss it’s just there to piss people off. Which you know what it sure did piss me off because not only is this offensive but it’s a pile of garbage filmmaking. Skip this one at all costs…
Disgrace To Cinema F