JJ, a veteran CIA agent, reunites with his protégé Sophie, in order to prevent a catastrophic nuclear scheme aimed at the Vatican, which disrupts a high school choir trip to Italy.
My Spy: The Eternal City is directed by Peter Seagal director of Anger Management (2003), Nutty Professor II: The Klumps (2000), 50 First Dates (2004), My Spy (2020), Grudge Match (2013) and a few others.
Out of any movie to get a sequel I’m willing to put good money down that My Spy wasn’t one that people were demanding. The first My Spy was a fun little action comedy that went to VOD platforms during the height of the COVID-19 pandemic, it was a fine enough movie that while forgettable got the job done. So it’s very interesting to me that Peter Seagal who directed the previous movie returns and does a worse job than before.
Dave Bautista is once again pretty okay here, he’s by far the best part of the movie much like he was in the previous movie. The rest of the cast are fine enough they just don’t bring anything exciting to the table, the jokes this time around are slightly worse than the last movie. Very forgettable and at most result in a chuckle, granted none of the jokes are painful just very cobbled together.
Speaking of cobbled together what really kills this movie is the plot and the many plot lines that follow, for some reason they decided to take a simple bonding story from the first movie and turn it into a whole plot heavy movie with an espionage action plot that oddly gets very convoluted. It’s the type of movie where you really scratch your head and say “who was this for?” It wants to go for the same family type feel the first movie did. But every now and then you get jokes here that aren’t exactly family friendly. It’s a very confused mess that never really figures itself out.
Finally the characters especially the new ones don’t really add much, Craig Robinson and Anna Faris are trying their best but with such a limited script that gives very little to work with they sort of have no choice but to be sitting ducks.
Overall My Spy: The Eternal City is very typical streaming movie shovelware, it exists solely on the chance that some people who liked My Spy (2020) may watch it, definitely not one of the worst movies of the year but it’s one you are going to forget almost immediately after watching.
My Spy: The Eternal City is available on Amazon Prime Video.
Gru welcomes a new member to the family, Gru Jr., who’s intent on tormenting his dad. However, their peaceful existence soon comes crashing down when criminal mastermind Maxime Le Mal escapes from prison and vows revenge against Gru.
Despicable Me 4 is directed by Chris Renaud director of Despicable Me (2010), The Lorax (2012), Despicable Me 2 (2013), The Secret Life Of Pets (2016) and The Secret Life Of Pets 2 (2019). This film serves as the fourth installment of the main series (sixth overall film in the franchise and serves as a sequel to Despicable Me 3 (2017).
By this point everyone and their dog knows what the Despicable Me franchise is, it’s arguably at least in the top 10 moneymaking modern franchises. The films range from being pretty cute to bad. Despicable Me 4 is quite honestly more of the same thing from other entries, which might not be bad for fans of the series but will quickly become tiring for everyone else.
I really have to give Steve Carell so much credit for sticking with this series for so long, because he is once again one of the best parts about it. Some lines in this movie that would be otherwise terrible end up being somewhat funny due to Carell’s delivery. The rest of the voice cast are solid although do not have anything really special about them.
One thing I will say this movie does a pretty good job with is Gru’s character, we get to learn even more about his past and old rivals as well. Even if this has been done before in earlier entries and spinoffs, they still manage to come up with at least something somewhat interesting. The subplot about the minions becoming superheroes is forgettable, sure there’s a few funny moments but it’s not anything that’s going to be fondly remembered.
Honestly the best way I could describe Despicable Me 4 is a kid on a sugar rush, it’s very fast paced and could be enjoyable largely depending on the viewer. It could be a fun sugar rush for some people or it can be a very dull one to get through.
Overall there really is not a whole to say about Despicable Me 4 it’s a below average sequel that’s completely harmless for kids. It gets the job done for the most part but at the end of the day is just another Despicable Me movie.
Despicable Me 4 is available on all VOD platforms.
When Bikini Bottom is scooped out of the ocean, Sandy and SpongeBob head to Sandy’s home state of Texas and enlist her family to help save Patrick, Squidward, Mr. Krabs and the rest of the gang.
Saving The Bikini Bottom: The Sandy Cheeks Movie is directed by Liza Johnson director of Return (2011), Hateship Loveship (2013) and Elvis & Nixon (2016)
Look I’m not the target audience for this movie and I haven’t really cared about SpongeBob for awhile now, but I really have to ask what exactly happened here? For all of Sponge On The Run (2020) faults at the very least it had some fun moments and the characters were fun as well. This movie does not do any of that and instead makes baffling decision after baffling decision.
For starters for a movie that has Sandy Cheeks in the title it really is not about her, yes she is the main character but we only get a brief backstory and the movie itself really does not do all that much with her family. Who seem like fun characters but we are given very little information about them or spend any time developing them into fully fleshed out characters. I’m not expecting a character piece written about each of the members of the family but at least let the viewer spend a lot more time with them.
The movie itself is very ugly, I’m willing to put good money down that the 85% of the budget went into getting celebrities such as Wanda Sykes to be in this movie. The animation isn’t even the worst part…it’s when the movie attempts to combine live action and animation together you get some of the most horrifying results you will see in a movie this year, it’s so ugly and horrifying that it makes any of the Spy Kids movies look like Avatar: The Way Of Water (2022) in comparison I really wish I was kidding.
The writing is abysmal and quite honestly some of the worst I’ve heard in a movie so far this year. Any charm that Spongebob as a series had in the past is nowhere to be found in this movie, I have heard modern SpongeBob has been a decline in quality for awhile now but I have to imagine it’s far better than whatever this was.
Overall Saving The Bikini Bottom: The Sandy Cheeks Movie is hands down the worst Spongebob movie and it’s not even close. Abysmal, ugly, annoying and downright horrendous this makes it an easy contender for worst movie of the year.
Saving The Bikini Bottom: The Sandy Cheeks Movie is available on Netflix.
A troubled actor begins to unravel while shooting a horror film. His estranged daughter wonders if he’s slipping back into his past addictions or if there’s something more sinister at play.
The Exorcism is directed by Joshua John Miller director of The Mao Game (1999).
I’ll tell you one thing that wasn’t on my 2024 bingo card it’s another Russell Crowe exorcism movie, funnily enough this film was actually announced before The Pope’s Exorcist (2023) had work done on it. Speaking of which I thought The Pope’s Exorcist (2023) was a very silly horror movie that while yes is filled to the brim of cliches is still a lot of fun. So it’s very baffling to see absolutely dull The Exorcism is in comparison, it’s a huge night and day difference that becomes very noticeable almost immediately when you start watching.
Russell Crowe, Chloe Bailey and Sam Worthington try their best with the script they are given but there really isn’t a single moment where their performances don’t feel either phoned in or just flat out terrible. The story being told here is basically regurgitated from other exorcism films in the horror genre only somehow done even worse. Combine that with uninspired family drama that goes absolutely nowhere and you have yourself one of the most boring movies of the year.
The movie lacks any sort of atmosphere mostly due to the movie heavily relying on jumpscares that are so lazy and predictable you can see them coming from a mile away. At times you get a few interesting shots (that is when you can actually look at the movie, why is the lighting so terrible?) but that’s quickly ruined due to how much this movie jumps around with it’s poor editing.
I really don’t know what else I can really add except The Exorcism is very poorly put together and just another bad exorcism movie.
A recent graduate becomes entangled in a relationship with a man and a woman during the summer after college.
Chestnut is directed by Jac Cron which is her directorial debut.
I admire the attempt of this movie and what it was trying to do, but unfortunately the movie ultimately leaves the viewer asking the question “what am I supposed to take away from this movie?”
Natalia Dyer and Rachel Keller are really great here, this is definitely a case where you have really strong performances that deserved a much better script. A large problem here is the script is incredibly lacking in emotion. There are hints at genuine emotion at times that do help the movie get somewhat off the ground, only to completely fall back down during the next scene.
It’s a shame because in the technical department Chestnut delivers quite decently, it has some really nice neon lighting combined with the Philadelphia backdrop. There’s some genuinely beautiful moments here that really do shine, unfortunately the movie’s beauty can’t quite push it to the finish line especially when the movie fails to deliver a meaningful emotional punch.
The movie attempts to explore bisexuality which the approach it goes with isn’t necessarily bad it’s just not really saying anything, it’s a usual story about a love triangle and that’s really as far as it goes. There isn’t any meaningful discussion or nuances, which is frustrating because there were moments where you could see the movie almost making an interesting point only to abandon it.
Overall Chestnut is admirable attempt but falls short in the script category.
Ava’s husband, Dallas, leaves her heartbroken as he deserts their marriage. Dallas’ malicious actions unravel as Ava gets a chance to find true love with her destined soulmate.
Divorce In The Black is directed by Tyler Perry who has directed the Madea series, A Fall From Grace (2020), A Jazzman’s Blues (2022), Mea Culpa (2024), Acrimony (2018) and many others.
Two Tyler Perry films in one year? Well considering how fast he does this movies it’s honestly no surprise (I mean Perry claims that A Fall From Grace was done in 5 days). Mea Cupla was bad enough but what if I told you that Divorce In The Black could arguably be worse?
There’s a few scenes here that are unintentionally funny so I’ll start out with those. The first one being conveniently right at the opening with a 7 minute long funeral scene that goes from being typical to down right bizarre, I honestly don’t think anything could have prepared me for what actually unfolds. It’s absolutely ridiculous, there is little to no direction at all and it really seems everyone just decided to do their own thing in the worst ways possible. The only other hilarious moment is just a line that is very poorly delivered which it’s “Do you want to lose your job bitch?” in context it’s kind of whatever but the way it’s delivered and the dramatic finger pointing is what makes it funny.
Everything else about Divorce In The Black is very typical Tyler Perry garbage, a very drawn out (2 hours seriously?), uninteresting story that has a bunch of characters that are about as investing as watching paint dry. The editing is somehow the worst it’s ever been in any of these movies, the score is completely forgettable and fails to bring any sort of tension to the movie and the dialogue once again shows that Tyler Perry completely fails to make his characters compelling.
Honestly what else to say here? This movie is pretty much every single Tyler Perry movie combined into one terrible mess that luckily is quite forgettable. Definitely one of the worst of the year.
Divorce In The Black is available on Amazon Prime Video!
Well I’m happy to say that I’m finally caught up review wise. July was very beneficial for me so we are back on track (for the most part) I still do have a decent amount on my watchlist so I’ll be using August (since there really is not a whole lot coming out anyway) to pick off films from the watchlist (I just started Monday and yesterday) so expect some reviews tomorrow.
Anyway as for August there’s honestly not a whole lot here, outside of Alien Romulus, Cuckoo, Strange Darling, and Trap (all of which I’m very excited for) I mostly put some more films on this list simply because they sound interesting and could be fun, so everything after Trap could be a hit or miss
12. Incoming – August 23rd (Netflix)
11. Stream – August 21st (Theaters)
10. The Watchmen Chapter 1 – August 13th (VOD)
9. Girl You Know It’s True – August 9th (VOD)
8. Close To You – August 16th (Theaters)
7. Hell Hole – August 23rd (Shudder)
6. Mothers Instinct – August 13th (VOD) (Yes I know this is technically a July release but it came out in July at the very last second so I thought I would just throw it on here)
FBI Agent Lee Harker is assigned to an unsolved serial killer case that takes an unexpected turn, revealing evidence of the occult. Harker discovers a personal connection to the killer and must stop him before he strikes again.
Longlegs is directed by Osgood Perkins director of The Blackcoat’s Daughter (2015), I Am the Pretty Thing That Lives in the House (2016) and Gretel & Hansel (2020).
Do I think Longlegs is one of the scariest films of all time? No. Do I think it’s an excellent film that really goes all out? Absolutely!
Let’s get the obvious out of the way, the performances are all incredibly well done some of which are among some of the best performances so far this year. Maika Monroe is truly fascinating here and has really established herself as a modern scream queen, like many of her other performances she really gets into the character and matches the film’s tone. Her being surrounded by this brutal mystery that gets more and more bizarre as well as dark really makes the film standout so much more and elevates her performance.
Nicolas Cage is terrifying in this film, there’s no other way to put it. Right when he enters the film he absolutely haunts the viewer with his actions, speech and appearance. The atmosphere combined with Cage’s acting is really putting in the work to make this as terrifying as possible and truly makes the character of Longlegs all the more disturbing, I don’t want to say too much about his character as this is a type of performance that you must absolutely see for yourself but just know it’s a fantastic one that Cage absolutely nails.
Blair Underwood and Alicia Witt are both fantastic here as well, Underwood giving a very strong supporting performance that helps build the mystery and Witt giving one of the most terrifying performances of the year. The direction from Osgood Perkins is truly fascinating, going inside the buildings in this film is like entering a void of darkness. You have no idea what’s on the other side or what is in between but your curious gets the better of you. Perkins does such a fantastic job of showing this by having the last bit of the film go completely bizarre and it truly works in the film’s favor.
The atmosphere and score combined together really make Longlegs such a chilling ride from beginning to end, the film keeps building up every monument until you get some brutal scenes that do such a good job of wrapping up a scene. The film captures has this dark spirit to it that constantly haunts the viewer as they explore the location, at times it really does seem like you are in the mind of a serial killer. These scenes in particular are spread throughout the film and are very effective especially in execution.
I don’t want to say too much more about Longlegs it’s a film that you really should experience for yourself, it will definitely not be for everyone. But it absolutely did work for me! One of the years best that’s for sure.
Snatched from the Green Place of Many Mothers, young Furiosa falls into the hands of a great biker horde led by the warlord Dementus. Sweeping through the Wasteland, they come across the Citadel, presided over by the Immortan Joe. As the two tyrants fight for dominance, Furiosa soon finds herself in a nonstop battle to make her way home.
Furiosa is directed by George Miller director of Mad Max (1979), Mad Max 2 (1981), Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome (1985), Babe: Pig In the City (1998), Happy Feet (2006), Mad Max Fury Road (2015), Three Thousand Years Of Longing (2022) and a few others. Furiosa is the fifth installment in the Mad Max series and serves as spin-off prequel to Mad Max Fury Road telling the origin story of Furiosa.
Furiosa is yet another homerun for George Miller the man who has been directing these films ever since the franchise started back in 1979, the Mad Max series is one of those rare series of films that I don’t think there’s a bad movie. Thunderdome is definitely the weakest but even that one has a ton of positives, when Fury Road came out in 2015 it admittedly placed itself among some of the best action blockbusters of the 2010s and depending who you ask of all time. It’s among one of my favorite films that I rewatch every now and then. Luckily Furiosa keeps a lot of what made Fury Road work incredibly well and adds a bit more to it.
First off the performances all around are incredible, one thing that George Miller absolutely excels at is directing his cast and that’s shown right from the start with Charlee Fraser who although is only here at the beginning gives such a fascinating performance that is a ton of fun. These beginning scenes already set the tone of the film, with a very suspenseful atmosphere as well as a bizarre one that matches the film’s villain Dementus played by Chris Hemsworth. Who so far this year gives one of the best performances as a villain, this is arguably Hemsworth’s best performance as it’s a performance that’s very different from what he usually plays and every single scene he’s in he’s terrifying. You never know when this bizarre man is going to snap and when does it’s quite brutal.
Of course we have Furiosa played by Anya Taylor-Joy which is definitely a career best worthy performance, some people’s fear was that she could not play the character as well as Charlize Theron did in Fury Road. Luckily Anya Taylor-Joy nails down the performance and brings her own touch to the character, throughout most of the film Furiosa is silent. Only listening to the other characters talk, it really matches the tone of the atmosphere which of course is apocalyptic but this film really touches on that incredibly well. Anya Taylor-Joy’s facial expressions and body movements do all the talking here and it’s just so investing to see her do all of this effortlessly, she delivers so many beautiful interactions without even speaking with the other characters it’s truly beautiful in it’s own way.
Tom Bruke is quite fantastic here, his interactions with Anya Taylor-Joy have such an excellent feel to them and the two have great chemistry. He serves as this slight mentor figure, but is written in a very raw way that gives the character more connection to the viewer. Lastly there’s Lachy Hulme who plays Immortan Joe the main villain from Fury Road we get a handful with scenes of him here, much like the rest of the world and it’s crazy characters he’s very well written and adds to Furiosa’s story.
The action scenes much like in Fury Road are incredibly well done and among some of the best I’ve seen so far this year, heck I would say some of the best of the 2020s so far. The amount of attention to detail, and the filming of these scenes really are put into high focus. There’s one scene in particular that definitely standouts among them that I definitely think is the best and that’s saying something considering how many beautiful action scenes there are here.
The worldbuilding is truly beautiful here, even moments we do not get a whole lot of dialogue the setting itself really tells the story as well as the many crazy looking characters. There’s so much to look at and so much to explore in each scene, one main difference from Furiosaand Fury Road is Furiosa is much more narratively driven. Fury Road had a simple get to point A to point B sort of situation which is not a bad thing and in context makes sense for the film. Furiosa goes for a much bigger story that explores around especially since it is quite huge when it comes to scale. Furiosa accomplishes this incredibly well by exploring it’s characters, themes and atmosphere that really kick it into high gear.
Overall Furiosa is one of the best films so far this year, it’s an incredibly well directed film that makes the Mad Max series all the more interesting!
After an unexpected reunion with his long-lost father, a scruffy street cat, Garfield is forced to leave his perfectly pampered life in order to take part in a high-stakes heist. And an incredible outdoor adventure begins!
The Garfield Movie is directed by Mark Dindal director of Cat’s Don’t Dance (1997), The Emperor’s New Grove (2000) and Chicken Little (2005).
The Garfield Movie is not as bad as expected as there are some pretty solid moments, the problem is most of the movie just really loses what made Garfield so lovable in the first place.
The first 10 minutes are the movie’s best moments, we get a quick backstory that’s decently emotional. There’s some genuinely touching moments between the dialogue and the short but sweet interaction that John and Garfield have that grow into what we know today. After that is when the movie falls off a cliff and honestly doesn’t really feel like a Garfield movie. It would be hard to make a 101 minute movie of Garfield just lazily lying in bed all day, but turning this into a very typical heist mission with training montages, a cliched betrayal and dull dialogue is not an effective approach to Garfield.
Having that said the movie does have it’s positives, the voice cast is honestly not too bad here although Nicholas Hoult as John was very surprising and I’m still not sure if I was surprised in a good or bad way. Samuel L. Jackson was fine enough here and Chris Pratt gives a very middle of the road performance. It’s definitely not as bad as I was expecting, but it’s not exactly something I would great either. The best compliment I can say is that it gets the job done.
As for everything else this quite honestly just feels like a heist movie with Garfield slapped on to it, it’s a very odd approach like I said before and I’m not sure what exactly why they went with this decision. At times there’s a few funny gags but a lot of the time it’s very forgettable.
Overall The Garfield Movie just sort of exists, it’s ultimately a very harmless movie for kids but for everyone else it’s quite forgettable.
The Garfield Movie is available on all VOD platforms.
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