The 355 is a a complete mess of a action movie that offers nothing new.

CIA agent Mason “Mace” Brown joins forces with a rival German agent, a cutting-edge computer specialist and a Colombian psychologist when a top-secret weapon falls into the hands of a group of mercenaries. Together, the four women embark on a breakneck mission to save the world while staying one step ahead of a mysterious figure who’s tracking their every move.

I mean this should not be a surprise to anyone that The 355 is a terrible action movie that brings absolutely nothing new to the genre. The main positive here is the cast Jessica Chastain, Penélope Cruz, Sebastian Stan, Fan Bingbing, Diane Kruger, Lupita Nyong’o and several others. While a lot of the performances feel incredibly phoned in that’s the least of the movie’s problems. The action scenes feel like a game of chase or capture the flag, they are so poorly put together with so many editing errors that keep happening over and over again. The direction from Simon Kinberg (Dark Phoenix) is horrendous and truly feels like the talent of the cast is wasted on several scenes that don’t evolve the plot at all, there’s no energy or sense of passion put into the action scenes. It feels like the equivalent of someone watching a 30 second YouTube video of a person doing fighting moves and they copy off of that without learning anything else about it. The plot is very predictable and really shows the lack of creativity this movie has, I really have no idea what they were trying to go for here. But whatever it was they failed miserably, I seriously can’t think of anything else to say about The 355 it’s yet another horrendous action movie that has no style and no creativity.

The 355 is available on all VOD Platforms!

2/10 F

The Requin will have you asking “where’s the shark?”

There’s terror in paradise when Jaelyn and Kyle travel to a remote seaside villa in Vietnam for a romantic getaway. A torrential storm descends, reducing the villa to little more than a raft and sweeping the young couple out to sea. Suddenly, another danger appears — a school of great white sharks. With her injured husband watching helplessly, Jaelyn must battle the deadly predators alone.

The Requin is honestly baffling this is the type of movie that fails on every single level and doesn’t even try to be anything decent. Immediately there really is not that much to this movie, however right from the beginning you get a taste of the horrible dialogue, not even Alicia Silverstone can save this movie from being an atrocious mess. 50 minutes into the movie l was left wondering “now wait a second isn’t this supposed to be a shark movie? Where’s the shark?” Well nine minutes later the shark appears, that’s right 59 minutes in out of a 90 minute movie and the shark appears…I’m not sure who’s bright idea that was but that’s truly an idiotic choice. It doesn’t help that the plot before the shark showed up was uninteresting, cliched and not memorable at all, how are you going to call this a shark movie when the shark doesn’t appear for most of the movie? Outside of that the acting, writing and directing are all garbage, it’s clear that nobody knew what to do with this movie so they randomly decided to throw as many ideas at a wall and see what sticks. This isn’t even a so bad it’s hilarious type shark movie, it’s one of those ones where it’s just not fun at all. The Requin feels like two completely different movies that accidentally got stitched together one survival movie and one shark movie. Do not get tricked by the poster you will not be watching something cool..

The Requin is available on all VOD Platforms.

Disgrace To Cinema F

Home Team fails to score big.

Two years after NFL head coach Sean Payton is suspended, he goes back to his hometown and finds himself reconnecting with his 12-year-old son by coaching his Pop Warner football team.

You know those movies where after you watch them you feel absolutely nothing? That’s how I feel about Home Team, granted it’s not one of the absolute worst of Happy Madison Productions. However the real story behind Sean Payton and Bountygate is far more interesting than this movie, the movie focuses on Payton coaching his 12 year son’s football team after getting suspended from the NFL. So I feel this is a complete missed opportunity, what follows is terrible humor, terrible acting from pretty much everyone besides Kevin James who seems to just enjoy doing these roles at this point and surprisingly Taylor Lautner. I’m not saying he gave anything special at all but when you compare him to everyone else you notice a difference. There’s this one scene where they actually have CGI vomit which is definitely a choice. The movie’s main issue is the tone being for inconsistent, it wants to tell a sports drama type of story but immediately cracks so many unfunny jokes. There are a few heartfelt moments that actually work quite well, but a lot of the time your restricted to very unfunny jokes with terrible dialogue. Home Team is overall just a terrible sports comedy that really adds nothing new.

Home Team is available on Netflix

3/10 D-

Clean is another bad John Wick clone.

Tormented by his past, a garbage man named Clean attempts a quiet life of redemption. But, soon finds himself forced to reconcile with the violence of his past.

Clean is a very odd mishmash of trying to go for the style of You Were Never Really Here and the entertainment feel of John Wick. Mixing both these together in such a lazy and uninspired way results in a movie that really does not have a lot going for it, Adrien Brody is fine in the role he does the best he can with the role (he’s actually one of the writers), the movie’s main issue is that it acts like it’s so much more than it really is. It tries to have this deep meaning to it which results in a very clunky and ridiculous dialogue, with that said Clean isn’t the absolute worst action movie. If you take away some of the more artsy elements it’s a very generic action movie.

Clean is available on all VOD Platforms.

4/10 D+

Sundance Review: Nanny is a compelling film with a powerful thrilling third act!

Aisha, an undocumented Senegalese immigrant, lands a job as a nanny of a wealthy Manhattan couple. While she easily wins the affection of their young daughter Rose, she becomes a pawn in the couple’s facade of a marriage.

Nanny definitely gets better the more I think about it, while not every single thing in the film worked for me. Nanny has quite a lot to say with it’s themes which I really appreciate, Anna Diop gives such a great performance she completely steals the show and truly shows how talented she is as an actress, the direction from Nikyatu Jusu is mesmerizing, hypnotic and completely takes you to another world it’s truly compelling and really delivers on it’s themes. The final act is definitely the strongest, everything the build up was leading up to was well worth it. The movie rewards the viewer with a very meaningful and atmospheric final act that not only is it thrilling but kind of sad as well, it tackles a lot of emotions which truly fits this film greatly. The slow burn element can feel a tiny bit on the weak side at times particularly in the beginning, however those moments are far and few in between. Nanny is overall a very solid horror film that I recommend checking out once it releases

Nanny currently has no release date.

7/10 B

Sundance Review: Girl Picture is a straightforward coming of age film!

Best friends Mimmi and Rönkkö work after school at a foodcourt smoothie kiosk, frankly swapping stories of their frustrations and expectations regarding love and sex.

Going to keep this brief because there really isn’t a whole lot to Girl Picture. But perhaps there really shouldn’t be, it’s a very straightforward coming of age story that shows the lives of a group of girls, what they do on a daily basis, their feelings and much more. The film keeps a nice balance of two storylines and explores all the characters in great depth, the film completely pulls you in with it’s characters and it’s surprisingly strong music choices. The direction is very raw which leads to some quite strong moments that gives this film sense of relatability, plus when combined with very decent writing you have yourself a solid little film! The film does have it’s dull moments and I do wish the film explored certain themes a bit more. But that isn’t enough to stop it from being a short but sweet movie that’s actually pretty investing!

Girl Picture currently has no release date

7/10 B

Sundance Review: You Won’t Be Alone is beautiful but lacking in story.

In 19th-century Macedonia, a young girl is kidnapped and then transformed into a witch by an ancient spirit. Curious about life as a human, the witch accidentally kills a peasant in the nearby village and then takes her victim’s shape to live life in her skin. Her curiosity ignited, she continues to wield this horrific power to understand what it means to be human.

I’m going to say this right now but do not go into You Won’t Be Alone expecting the next big elevated horror film, because you won’t get it here. You Won’t Be Alone is more of a drama with some horror elements that do actually work in some cases, the cinematography is absolutely beautiful and compliments the film extremely well. It captures this loneliness feel to the film which I was fully on board with during the beginning of the film, Noomi Rapace gives a fantastic performance here, she brings out the dread of the atmosphere the film is using which gives her performance strength. However the story is very hard to get into, it’s clear this film wants to be a cross been a Terrance Malick film and The Witch but doesn’t quite reach that level. It’s a very meditative film that does have some great imagery but the story being told here just isn’t very investing, I want to care about the village and the people of it but unfortunately the film doesn’t give many reasons to, perhaps a rewatch is needed but for right now it’s a solid film that unfortunately missed it’s mark in some areas.

You Won’t Be Alone will be released in theaters April 1st!

6/10 C+

Sundance Review: Something In The Dirt is a compelling and trippy film that’s flawed!

When neighbors John and Levi witness supernatural events in their La apartment building, they realize documenting the paranormal could inject some fame and fortune into their wasted lives.

Something In The Dirt is definitely a film that I’m going to have to rewatch when it officially comes out, because I still have no idea if this worked for me or not. Justin Benson and Aaron Moorhead are both directors I absolutely respect even if I don’t like all of their work they take the horror and sci-fi genre and do something completely new with them. They continue doing that here with Something In The Dirt, the performances are quite great the leading roles being the directors, the writing is actually pretty strong and does lead into some very compelling moments, finally the cinematography compliments the film actually quite well it fits this mysterious trippy theme the movie is going for. The main flaw with Something In The Dirt is it does lose you at times, there are moments where it completely takes you out of the movie it’s mostly due to giving the viewer a little too much information at a time, plus this is a example of a movie where you really have to connect with it. Unfortunately I didn’t really connect with it all that well, the story was interesting but completely lost me during a lot of moments. I absolutely appreciate it for what it is even if I’m not entirely sure what it truly is.

Something In The Dirt currently has no release date.

6/10 C+

Sundance Review: Call Jane is a very decent telling of an incredible true story but could have been more.

A married woman with an unwanted pregnancy lives in a time in America where she can’t get a legal abortion and works with a group of suburban women to find help.

Call Jane definitely tells a true story that’s very important when it comes to abortion rights, there’s a lot good things about this movie even if it all does not come together as good as it could have been. For starters Kate Mara, Elizabeth Banks and Sigourney Weaver all give really strong performances that absolutely make this movie, they are fully invested into their roles and truly deliver, the incredible true story that’s being told here however I wish was told a lot better than just decently told. The movie doesn’t go quite deep enough despite the movie being 2 hours and 1 minute, it feels like it’s building up to something huge but then just gets sidetracked. There’s also the 16mm camera style that I’m not entirely sure worked here, I get what they were going for but I really don’t think it fit here. There’s moments where I thought it worked well, but a lot of it just feels like they did it because they could. Call Jane is definitely not a bad film, if anything it’s a very decent movie that tells an incredible true story decently enough, but it really could have been so much more.

Call Jane currently has no release date

6/10 C+

Sundance Review: Dual has good ideas but the execution is lacking.

A woman (Karen Gillan) who, upon receiving a terminal diagnosis, opts for a cloning procedure to ease her loss on her friends and family. When she makes a sudden and miraculous recovery, her attempts to have her clone decommissioned fail and lead to a court-mandated duel to the death.

Dual is by far the most disappointing film from Sundance, it was one of my most anticipated of the festival and unfortunately it’s just not strong enough. Granted there are some good bits here Karen Gillian’s deadpan performance actually worked pretty well here despite the humor being a major issue and Aaron Paul is also really great as well. The cinematography is quite great and makes the film look pretty big, but unfortunately the movie doesn’t take advantage of that and really holds itself back from doing anything interesting. The opening scene is quite great, it gives a taste of the movie’s world the first half of the movie I have to say was quite interesting. I liked the many ideas the movie was going for and at times they worked unfortunately the end result of the build up is very disappointing, the ending feels like a complete cop out and makes the rest of the movie seem rather pointless. Some people are going to love the humor however it just wasn’t for me at all, I understand what they were trying to go for with this emotionless acting and type of humor. But a lot of it just wasn’t funny or didn’t lead into something special, somewhere in Dual there is a good movie but it’s just refusing to show itself unfortunately. I’m sure some people might get something out of this one, perhaps I’ll give this one another watch when it releases to audiences but for now this was massively disappointing.

Dual currently has no release date but is set to be released this year.

5/10 C